Lying on his deathbed, the rich, miserly old man calls to his long-suffering wife. “I want to take all my money with me,” he tells her. “So promise me you'll put it in the casket.”
After than man dies, his widow attends the memorial service with her best friend. Just before the undertaker closes the coffin, she places a small metal box inside.
Her friend looks at her in horror. “Surely,” she says. “you didn't put the money in there.”
“I did promise him I would,” the widow answers. “So I got it all together, deposited it in my account, and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.”

A lawyer drives through a stop sign and gets pulled over by a policeman. He thinks that he’s cleverer than the officer and decides to talk his way out of a fine.
“Show me your license and registration,” says the policeman.
“What for?” says the lawyer.
“You didn’t stop at the stop sign.”
“I slowed down and no-one was coming.”
“You still didn’t come to a complete stop.”
“What’s the difference?”
“The difference is you have to come to a complete stop, that’s the law.”
“If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop,” says the lawyer, “I’ll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go.”
“Get out of the vehicle, please, sir,” says the policeman.
The solicitor gets out and the policeman starts beating the hell out of him with his truncheon. “Do you want me to stop?” asks the cop, “or just slow down?”